Cliches and reflections on a year

Life's a dance, you learn as you go.
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.
Don't worry 'bout what you don't know,
life's a dance, you learn as you go.
©1992

As a disclaimer, I may be suffering from displaying the effects of watching quite a few (about 6 months worth) vlogbrothers videos in one sitting; the way I express my emotions is freer and I am phrasing everything like John and Hank Green would. Bear with me. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, go about reading this blog and then look up their channel on YouTube. Crazy good stuff. Oddly enough, this blog might be easier to read than my others, but let’s get to what I want to talk at you about.

So they say that in a year, a lot can change. Most times when I hear/read someone emote this, I normally judge them for being so cliché. But sometimes there's a reason for phrases being cliché: they can be applied to a large number of people’s situations over a sustained period of time. As I have more experiences and take more revolutions around the sun, I’ve come to identify with this idea.

“Well Amy where were you a year ago,” you may ask.

“Interesting question,” I would respond to that hypothetical question that I’m sure at least one of you thought for a millisecond.

Exactly 365 days ago (from writing this) I was returning home from what I decided then was the best day ever, and my opinion on that has not changed. I was in a great relationship with a great guy who happens to be frustratingly talented at simultaneously keeping secrets and planning surprises. I knew we were going to be together that evening because it was our 6 month anniversary and also happened to be a Friday – perfect date night. I knew that he knew that I was expecting something special, and that was only because I knew that he was that kind of guy.

The only hints I could pry out of him in the approximately week and a half leading up to the date were that it was hinged on (a) the weather and (b) my answer to the question “cookie dough or cake?” which he asked very abruptly in between going to classes so I didn’t have time to interrogate him about the reason for asking but rather had to decide in what is for me a very short amount of time between two desserts that I like equally (I should’ve said both—probably wouldn’t have been an acceptable answer though).

So Friday rolls around, and all day at school I’m dying to ask him questions, but he’s threatened me with no date if I keep asking (because I’m a child and need threats to be motivated to behave in an adult manner). So I wait with about as much willpower to not ask questions as kids have willpower to sleep on Christmas Eve. After waiting patiently for what seemed to be forever and a day, we ended up cuddling and watching the sunset while eating raw cookie dough that he had made from scratch—which happened to be delicious and also my tied as my favorite flavor with chocolate.

“Hold on! That’s not romantic at all!”

Sure you could argue that he didn’t spend a lot of money on me, and we didn’t go anywhere special but I would like to point out that “special” is a relative adjective. I found what he had planned very special and that evening taught me a lot about relationships that I find I am better able to absorb being a year removed from the situation. Bring on the clichés!

First off, I learned that love is about more than superficial things. The amount of joy I felt about watching the sun go down behind what was a mostly cloudy sky while eating raw cookie dough is so indescribable. To me, it shows that being next to someone you love is always more important than what you’re doing—all that matters is that you’re with that person that makes existing more awesome.

Secondly, the Hollywood-ized idea of romance being a whirlwind of emotions and time and that somehow that special someone you’re going to be with forever just pops up out of the blue is a skewed view of reality. And the fact that I believed this idea growing up angers me. I’m learning with time that romance is something that develops. It’s not magical (as much as the chemicals in our brain would like us to think). It takes work. A great romance doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve found Prince Charming (or even Eric or Philip), either. You can love someone without them being the one. Albeit, all of my experiences are only from one relationship, but I’d say that I found a pretty great guy on the first go-round. Accepting the possibility that love doesn’t always end in marriage is something that I’ve had to wrap my head around, and I’m still working on that.

Lastly, I’ve learned that everything happens for a reason. Every person you have a relationship with, whether it’s romantic or not (like your best friend or that kind elderly woman that you play Uno with at the nursing home) you have met for a reason—your relationship formed for a reason. I have liked to brush this cliché off in the past as well, but it is slowly coming into focus over time.

Crazy example/rant/break time: Think of all the people that knew George Bailey (from It’s a Wonderful Life). Those people had an impact on who George grew up to be, but their encounters with him, no matter how short, also had an impact on them. Sure, he saved some people’s lives directly, but think about all of the people he helped indirectly. Like the kids who had a house because George loaned money to their parents with no more collateral than a handshake and a promise. Those kids had a stable home to grow up in because of George Bailey’s kindness. Pretty neat to think of, huh? Just me? Okay.

Back to the point at hand:
Because of Q, I have what I think is a pretty good model of how a guy should treat a lady. Opening the door, offering up the only jacket when I’m cold (chivalry’s not dead!), letting me cry miserably about anything and everything-but especially that character from my favorite TV show that he doesn’t watch but I persist shouldn’t have made that particular decision- and also being fantastic at keeping secrets. I realize that at the time I didn’t exactly mirror his A-grade relationship partner characteristics, and that’s probably why we are not together now. But that doesn’t make our relationship meaningless. The 16 months, 2 weeks, 6 days, and roughly 9 hours (for the record he counted not me) that we were together covers what is at this point in my life a considerable chunk of time.

So I guess the point of this long-winded blog is be thankful for what you have, but also be thankful for what you had. And to end where we started:

Talking to Myself: Leggings

You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything
You've got to be your own man, not a puppet on a string
Never compromise what's right and uphold your family name

You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything

© 1991

This chart was showed to me by a dear friend about a year ago, and I love it to this day. Very useful.

I consider myself lucky to have been raised in a conservative household. I realize that conservative is a relative term, but believe me when I say that if my family could pick a favorite decade, it would probably be the fifties—which should say a lot about our values. Within my crazy household that at one time had 8 people running around in it, I was taught that having opinions is a good thing, but only to a point. But also, education is the best way to fight ignorance.

For those of you who have known me a long time, you know that I am prone to having conversations with myself. Once in a blue moon, these conversations are productive. I have been having a recurrent conversation over leggings lately, and over time it has morphed into something that I thought was worth sharing. Take it or leave it, but please read the whole “conversation” before commenting in agreement or disagreement. As always, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my ramblings.

“Leggings and yoga pants should be accepted as a piece of fashion, and girls should not be shamed for wearing them.”
I agree that shaming is bad, but you should be willing to listen to the other side of the arguments. This also includes not making assumptions about people who oppose the legging fad.

“I wear leggings and yoga pants because they’re comfortable!”
That’s awesome. If they are comfortable, that means they are serving their purpose. Leggings go farther back than yoga pants, but they are lumped together in one category today which is most times dubbed “athletic wear” or something similar. As much as going through the stresses of everyday life might require grace and lots of practice to master, it’s not a sport. Unless you’re on your way to gymnastics, ballet class, or the Tour De France, please consider wearing real pants.

“But Amy, if I can’t wear leggings and yoga pants, the only thing I have left is sweat pants.”
Story time! A long long time ago, during the time of the Gold Rush in the 1800s, lived a man named Levi Strauss. He had a friend named Jacob Davis. Together they created a new kind of clothing called jeans. To this day, they are still a widely acceptable and accessible piece of clothing. In fact, they became so popular, that Levi’s “jeans” are now duplicated by every clothing manufacturer in one form or another.

At this point, I have gone to just saying “leggings” instead of listing similar pieces of clothing, but my views are the same for all items.

“But jeans are expensive. Leggings are so much cheaper!”
The fabric that makes up leggings is, most times, some combination of spandex, polyester, lycra, and/or elastin. These fabrics are made synthetically from threads that are pretty much pure plastic. The main ingredients in these plastics come from coal, oil, and natural gas. By creating a demand for these fabrics, more drilling and mining must be done. This destroys the precious environment. Also, the gasoline industry has to share their oil with fabric manufacturers, raising prices. So which would you like: paying $10 more for pants, or $25 more on that fill-up?

“My car is environmentally conscious and I only need to fill up twice a month.”
You are still condoning/causing the destruction of the environment with your pressure on the synthetic fiber industry. Don’t try and pretend that having a diet full of items from Whole Foods and driving a car that gets 50 mpg makes you environmentally conscious. If you don’t look at the whole picture, you are simply a hypocrite, whether it is intentional or not.

“I should be able to wear whatever I want. Freedom of expression!”
I am not even going to touch that issue. I will urge you, however, to think about how what you are wearing portrays how you view yourself. It does not necessarily portray how you act, but it shows a lot about how you much respect yourself. If you go around with painted-on bottoms, people are going to make assumptions about you and how you perceive right and wrong. It’s not an issue of whether you should be allowed, but more of an issue of the consequences of your choices.

“That makes no sense. You are just an anti-feminist.”
I whole-heartedly disagree. I think women having more rights is a great thing. I am not trying to tell you what to wear. I am simply giving you my views on the subject, and letting you take from it what you will. A few years ago, this issue was described to me by a teacher and that discussion has stuck with me and I think about it every time I decide what to wear. I don’t remember the exact words said, but here it is in a nutshell:

When you put on an outfit, it can greatly change your personality. No matter who a person is, they are going to act differently in sweat pants than they would in a ball gown or a suit. Take for example, the FFA jacket. When a student slips on that corduroy, they become a piece of the greater whole. Members are encouraged to act with respect, dignity, and kindness. If you run into someone in an FFA jacket, no matter where they are from or their background, you can expect these virtues to be displayed. It says a lot about the organization that over the entire nation, the members are some of the nicest people there are.

I took those words to heart, and I notice these personality differences in people I see on the street. That’s not to say I condone judging of strangers, but you can tell that people act differently, as a whole, when they have different clothing on.

“Wait, so what’s your point?”
Personal expression is great. I completely advocate for it. Whether you want to wear a burka or booty shorts, I care not. But what I do care about is the young people who are being raised into this culture. In today’s society, greater emphasis is on self-image, and people are getting involved with social media at younger and younger ages. When I was 8, I was not concerned about how many ‘likes’ my selfie had on Instagram-I was more concerned with the new book that the library at school had gotten last week. Young people need to be taught that beauty is on the inside, not the outside. And that’s a cliché that has been around for ages, but it is more prevalent today than ever before. Girls—and boys – are increasingly exposing themselves with their fashion choices in order to be liked and fit in. As a society, we need to do a better job of teaching respect, whether that is towards ourselves, or others. The rest will come naturally.

     So there it is folks. A glimpse into the inner workings of my psyche. This might make more sense to me than it does to others, and I’m expecting that; after all, these ideas have been swirling in my head for about a month now. I welcome feedback, positive and negative. What I ask is that we all respect each other’s beliefs, ideas, and thoughts. Please no bashing just for the heck of it. Also, if you would like more of these “conversations” I have a few saved up that I could share on different topics.


As a side note: If you happen to share my beliefs on the emphasis for teaching about inner beauty, check out the Gardiner Sisters. They are a group of actual sisters that are pushing their way into the music scene using YouTube, and they use their popularity to spread the word of true love and beauty. Their Be Real Beauty campaign is fantastic work. Thanks for reading!