Cliches and reflections on a year

Life's a dance, you learn as you go.
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.
Don't worry 'bout what you don't know,
life's a dance, you learn as you go.
©1992

As a disclaimer, I may be suffering from displaying the effects of watching quite a few (about 6 months worth) vlogbrothers videos in one sitting; the way I express my emotions is freer and I am phrasing everything like John and Hank Green would. Bear with me. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, go about reading this blog and then look up their channel on YouTube. Crazy good stuff. Oddly enough, this blog might be easier to read than my others, but let’s get to what I want to talk at you about.

So they say that in a year, a lot can change. Most times when I hear/read someone emote this, I normally judge them for being so cliché. But sometimes there's a reason for phrases being cliché: they can be applied to a large number of people’s situations over a sustained period of time. As I have more experiences and take more revolutions around the sun, I’ve come to identify with this idea.

“Well Amy where were you a year ago,” you may ask.

“Interesting question,” I would respond to that hypothetical question that I’m sure at least one of you thought for a millisecond.

Exactly 365 days ago (from writing this) I was returning home from what I decided then was the best day ever, and my opinion on that has not changed. I was in a great relationship with a great guy who happens to be frustratingly talented at simultaneously keeping secrets and planning surprises. I knew we were going to be together that evening because it was our 6 month anniversary and also happened to be a Friday – perfect date night. I knew that he knew that I was expecting something special, and that was only because I knew that he was that kind of guy.

The only hints I could pry out of him in the approximately week and a half leading up to the date were that it was hinged on (a) the weather and (b) my answer to the question “cookie dough or cake?” which he asked very abruptly in between going to classes so I didn’t have time to interrogate him about the reason for asking but rather had to decide in what is for me a very short amount of time between two desserts that I like equally (I should’ve said both—probably wouldn’t have been an acceptable answer though).

So Friday rolls around, and all day at school I’m dying to ask him questions, but he’s threatened me with no date if I keep asking (because I’m a child and need threats to be motivated to behave in an adult manner). So I wait with about as much willpower to not ask questions as kids have willpower to sleep on Christmas Eve. After waiting patiently for what seemed to be forever and a day, we ended up cuddling and watching the sunset while eating raw cookie dough that he had made from scratch—which happened to be delicious and also my tied as my favorite flavor with chocolate.

“Hold on! That’s not romantic at all!”

Sure you could argue that he didn’t spend a lot of money on me, and we didn’t go anywhere special but I would like to point out that “special” is a relative adjective. I found what he had planned very special and that evening taught me a lot about relationships that I find I am better able to absorb being a year removed from the situation. Bring on the clichés!

First off, I learned that love is about more than superficial things. The amount of joy I felt about watching the sun go down behind what was a mostly cloudy sky while eating raw cookie dough is so indescribable. To me, it shows that being next to someone you love is always more important than what you’re doing—all that matters is that you’re with that person that makes existing more awesome.

Secondly, the Hollywood-ized idea of romance being a whirlwind of emotions and time and that somehow that special someone you’re going to be with forever just pops up out of the blue is a skewed view of reality. And the fact that I believed this idea growing up angers me. I’m learning with time that romance is something that develops. It’s not magical (as much as the chemicals in our brain would like us to think). It takes work. A great romance doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve found Prince Charming (or even Eric or Philip), either. You can love someone without them being the one. Albeit, all of my experiences are only from one relationship, but I’d say that I found a pretty great guy on the first go-round. Accepting the possibility that love doesn’t always end in marriage is something that I’ve had to wrap my head around, and I’m still working on that.

Lastly, I’ve learned that everything happens for a reason. Every person you have a relationship with, whether it’s romantic or not (like your best friend or that kind elderly woman that you play Uno with at the nursing home) you have met for a reason—your relationship formed for a reason. I have liked to brush this cliché off in the past as well, but it is slowly coming into focus over time.

Crazy example/rant/break time: Think of all the people that knew George Bailey (from It’s a Wonderful Life). Those people had an impact on who George grew up to be, but their encounters with him, no matter how short, also had an impact on them. Sure, he saved some people’s lives directly, but think about all of the people he helped indirectly. Like the kids who had a house because George loaned money to their parents with no more collateral than a handshake and a promise. Those kids had a stable home to grow up in because of George Bailey’s kindness. Pretty neat to think of, huh? Just me? Okay.

Back to the point at hand:
Because of Q, I have what I think is a pretty good model of how a guy should treat a lady. Opening the door, offering up the only jacket when I’m cold (chivalry’s not dead!), letting me cry miserably about anything and everything-but especially that character from my favorite TV show that he doesn’t watch but I persist shouldn’t have made that particular decision- and also being fantastic at keeping secrets. I realize that at the time I didn’t exactly mirror his A-grade relationship partner characteristics, and that’s probably why we are not together now. But that doesn’t make our relationship meaningless. The 16 months, 2 weeks, 6 days, and roughly 9 hours (for the record he counted not me) that we were together covers what is at this point in my life a considerable chunk of time.

So I guess the point of this long-winded blog is be thankful for what you have, but also be thankful for what you had. And to end where we started:

Talking to Myself: Leggings

You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything
You've got to be your own man, not a puppet on a string
Never compromise what's right and uphold your family name

You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything

© 1991

This chart was showed to me by a dear friend about a year ago, and I love it to this day. Very useful.

I consider myself lucky to have been raised in a conservative household. I realize that conservative is a relative term, but believe me when I say that if my family could pick a favorite decade, it would probably be the fifties—which should say a lot about our values. Within my crazy household that at one time had 8 people running around in it, I was taught that having opinions is a good thing, but only to a point. But also, education is the best way to fight ignorance.

For those of you who have known me a long time, you know that I am prone to having conversations with myself. Once in a blue moon, these conversations are productive. I have been having a recurrent conversation over leggings lately, and over time it has morphed into something that I thought was worth sharing. Take it or leave it, but please read the whole “conversation” before commenting in agreement or disagreement. As always, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my ramblings.

“Leggings and yoga pants should be accepted as a piece of fashion, and girls should not be shamed for wearing them.”
I agree that shaming is bad, but you should be willing to listen to the other side of the arguments. This also includes not making assumptions about people who oppose the legging fad.

“I wear leggings and yoga pants because they’re comfortable!”
That’s awesome. If they are comfortable, that means they are serving their purpose. Leggings go farther back than yoga pants, but they are lumped together in one category today which is most times dubbed “athletic wear” or something similar. As much as going through the stresses of everyday life might require grace and lots of practice to master, it’s not a sport. Unless you’re on your way to gymnastics, ballet class, or the Tour De France, please consider wearing real pants.

“But Amy, if I can’t wear leggings and yoga pants, the only thing I have left is sweat pants.”
Story time! A long long time ago, during the time of the Gold Rush in the 1800s, lived a man named Levi Strauss. He had a friend named Jacob Davis. Together they created a new kind of clothing called jeans. To this day, they are still a widely acceptable and accessible piece of clothing. In fact, they became so popular, that Levi’s “jeans” are now duplicated by every clothing manufacturer in one form or another.

At this point, I have gone to just saying “leggings” instead of listing similar pieces of clothing, but my views are the same for all items.

“But jeans are expensive. Leggings are so much cheaper!”
The fabric that makes up leggings is, most times, some combination of spandex, polyester, lycra, and/or elastin. These fabrics are made synthetically from threads that are pretty much pure plastic. The main ingredients in these plastics come from coal, oil, and natural gas. By creating a demand for these fabrics, more drilling and mining must be done. This destroys the precious environment. Also, the gasoline industry has to share their oil with fabric manufacturers, raising prices. So which would you like: paying $10 more for pants, or $25 more on that fill-up?

“My car is environmentally conscious and I only need to fill up twice a month.”
You are still condoning/causing the destruction of the environment with your pressure on the synthetic fiber industry. Don’t try and pretend that having a diet full of items from Whole Foods and driving a car that gets 50 mpg makes you environmentally conscious. If you don’t look at the whole picture, you are simply a hypocrite, whether it is intentional or not.

“I should be able to wear whatever I want. Freedom of expression!”
I am not even going to touch that issue. I will urge you, however, to think about how what you are wearing portrays how you view yourself. It does not necessarily portray how you act, but it shows a lot about how you much respect yourself. If you go around with painted-on bottoms, people are going to make assumptions about you and how you perceive right and wrong. It’s not an issue of whether you should be allowed, but more of an issue of the consequences of your choices.

“That makes no sense. You are just an anti-feminist.”
I whole-heartedly disagree. I think women having more rights is a great thing. I am not trying to tell you what to wear. I am simply giving you my views on the subject, and letting you take from it what you will. A few years ago, this issue was described to me by a teacher and that discussion has stuck with me and I think about it every time I decide what to wear. I don’t remember the exact words said, but here it is in a nutshell:

When you put on an outfit, it can greatly change your personality. No matter who a person is, they are going to act differently in sweat pants than they would in a ball gown or a suit. Take for example, the FFA jacket. When a student slips on that corduroy, they become a piece of the greater whole. Members are encouraged to act with respect, dignity, and kindness. If you run into someone in an FFA jacket, no matter where they are from or their background, you can expect these virtues to be displayed. It says a lot about the organization that over the entire nation, the members are some of the nicest people there are.

I took those words to heart, and I notice these personality differences in people I see on the street. That’s not to say I condone judging of strangers, but you can tell that people act differently, as a whole, when they have different clothing on.

“Wait, so what’s your point?”
Personal expression is great. I completely advocate for it. Whether you want to wear a burka or booty shorts, I care not. But what I do care about is the young people who are being raised into this culture. In today’s society, greater emphasis is on self-image, and people are getting involved with social media at younger and younger ages. When I was 8, I was not concerned about how many ‘likes’ my selfie had on Instagram-I was more concerned with the new book that the library at school had gotten last week. Young people need to be taught that beauty is on the inside, not the outside. And that’s a cliché that has been around for ages, but it is more prevalent today than ever before. Girls—and boys – are increasingly exposing themselves with their fashion choices in order to be liked and fit in. As a society, we need to do a better job of teaching respect, whether that is towards ourselves, or others. The rest will come naturally.

     So there it is folks. A glimpse into the inner workings of my psyche. This might make more sense to me than it does to others, and I’m expecting that; after all, these ideas have been swirling in my head for about a month now. I welcome feedback, positive and negative. What I ask is that we all respect each other’s beliefs, ideas, and thoughts. Please no bashing just for the heck of it. Also, if you would like more of these “conversations” I have a few saved up that I could share on different topics.


As a side note: If you happen to share my beliefs on the emphasis for teaching about inner beauty, check out the Gardiner Sisters. They are a group of actual sisters that are pushing their way into the music scene using YouTube, and they use their popularity to spread the word of true love and beauty. Their Be Real Beauty campaign is fantastic work. Thanks for reading!

Ohio State Positives and Negatives

I was raised up believing I was somehow unique
Like a snowflake distinct among snowflakes, unique in each way you can see
And now after some thinking, I'd say I'd rather be
A functioning cog in some great machinery serving something beyond me
But I don't, I don't know what that will be
I'll get back to you someday soon you will see
© 2011

I’ve been blessed by the hands of fate to have been accepted into The Ohio State University main campus here in C-bus. I moved in early with the Ohio State Welcome Leaders (OWL) Program towards the end of August. I’ve been here for a few weeks now, and it’s been a roller coaster of emotions. I took to complaining on Facebook. After all, complaining is one of my most favorite hobbies. But I’m not proud of the fact that I pretty much wallowed in self-pity. So, as per a suggestion from a dear friend, I will list all of the negatives I have complained about, and list 4 positives for each negative. Let’s do it!

Negatives

1. It’s in the city.

All of the brick, glass, and giant buildings drive me crazy. I am going to miss Orion when he shows back up in the winter sky. Also, not having access to well water doesn’t sit well on my tummy. I let my water sit to let the chlorine evaporate out, but it’s still not the same.

2. I miss home.

Some of my favorite shots of the farm. Photo Cred: Morgan Capestrain.

I have early-onset crazy-cat-lady syndrome, so leaving my 7 cats at home was very difficult. Also, the “bellering” of the cows might have been a little annoying, but I would give anything to run around in the pasture whenever I please. Looking out the window and seeing pavement instead of our majestic ponies doesn’t do much in the way of brightening my day. And finally, my not-so-little puppy (okay, he’s 9) Spot giving me “kisses” is something I have literally dreamt about since being here. Also, I don’t like people. I am great at holding a conversation, but I don’t like people. So the group of friends that I’ve had since middle school is really important to me. It’s really hard to go from spending lots of time with them to none at all. Luckily, Facebook helps tons with this one. I can keep in contact with them, and face-timing helps tremendously.

3. Illegal activities are everywhere

Most times when I've met people, I've carried on a regular conversation for some time. The normal questions of “where ya from?” “what’s your major?” “where ya live?” are exchanged and answered. And there’s hanging out, and then without fail there is talk of either underage drinking at some Frat party or older person’s house, or weed smoking in so-and-so’s room. So then I say I don’t do that stuff, and I lose that group of friends since they aren’t cool with me being that way. This has happened about 5 times, which surprised me. I mean, I knew those things happened (I wasn’t that sheltered) but the reach of them was farther than I expected.

Positives

The Union Market in the Ohio Union.

1.Food
The food here at OSU is, most of the time, just Grade-A cafeteria food. However, I have discovered some gems. My favorite of these is the Brisket sandwich in the Union Market. It has brisket, deep-fried onion petals, and bbq sauce on a delicious bread. Also, the food is priced so that you don’t have to do much math. The weirdest price I have discovered is $3.85 for a smoothie, but there are other items at the same  place that have 15 cents tacked onto the end, so that way it ends up to an even dollar amount. I think this is an ingenious system, and really helps with budgeting. Which segues into my next positive point.

2.No taxes
If you use your BuckID (university issued identification system) when you purchase food, the sales tax is taken off. This even works in the diner, Sloopy’s, which is pretty fantastic when you’re doing math with how many blocks you are going to spend. (sidenote: 1 block=$5 and based on the plan the student chooses, a certain number of blocks is preloaded to their BuckID. Mealplans are a required purchase, but you don’t have to use the blocks you buy).

3. The Oval
The Oval is my bright spot. It’s the big grassy area that I must cross to get to campus—unless I take the main roads and spend 30 minutes walking to class. There are many beautiful trees and always something going on. My favorite trees are the giant sycamores which have to be over 50 years old. They attract birds, naturally, so there’s always a chickadee or finch singing at some point on my walk to class. It makes me think for a few minutes that I’m closer to home, and that’s nice.

4. It sounds like Scotland (almost) every morning
I know, this sounds very obscure. Hear me out, I’m not making this up. There is always a man (he’s missed a couple days) on the Oval on weekday mornings playing the bagpipes. It is probably some organization, so it’s multiple men that rotate, but it is a very obscure thing that drowns out the sound of the traffic a little and always brings a smile to my face. I did borrow the phrase “…sounds like Scotland” from a fellow student I passed the first morning it happened.

5. The Professors are accessible.
To a certain extent. Obviously, with a university of OSU’s size, or any college really, there are going to be barriers. But they are real people. I realize that makes me sound silly, but I always had this image of profs who are stern-faced and don’t care about anything but handing out and receiving assignments. The professors I have prefer to be called by their first name, will have a conversation with you during class, invite you to office hours that they set for each class, and won’t point out if the question you just asked was a stupid one. I have a lecture that includes (roughly) the same number of people that are currently in my entire high school I graduated from. But Joe never makes it feel like a giant lecture hall; he engages the students that allow him to, and it makes for an awesome experience.

6. The squirrels

These little rascals are so cute to watch! They normally either have a nut or some food that was discarded in their mouths, and are running around like they own the place. I crossed the street with a squirrel the other day, and it looked both ways before crossing (no joke!). The education must extend past the students.

7. Diversity
Since being here I have met people from all different backgrounds, which I find fascinating. I met a girl from Nigeria whose family moved to the States when she was 6. I met an employee of the University from Egypt. I talked to a girl on the bus from the Middle East (I forget exactly where). There are people from every walk of life you can possibly imagine. I have a structured group in one of my classes, and within the group of four (which includes me) there are two different races, three different religions, and three backgrounds represented. You don’t have to search for the diversity, because it jumps out at you—and that’s freaking awesome.

8. I can go home.
This is probably one of the main reasons I chose OSU over other colleges I was offered acceptance. OSU is close enough that I can go home with no plane ticket, but far enough away that I can’t go home every weekend. This allows me to have what I think will be a nice balance between school and home time.

9. The vast amount of “stuff”.
There is an organization/club/sponsored event for anything I could ever want. They tell incoming or prospective students this, and I didn’t believe them until I got here. I found 5 clubs I wanted to join, but decided to focus on just 3. These give me something to look forward to, connections to other students, and connections to internships/future employers. The connections at Ohio State are crazy, in a good way.

10. My dorm.
I live in one of the newest and best dorms on campus. We have AC which works so well I have to turn it down sometimes. We also have laundry and kitchen facilities in the basement. We have elevators that work 99% of the time, and everyone that I see in the hallway or lobby says hi.

11. I have a job.
Dining Services has a somewhat tricky process to work through, but once I did, it was very easy for me to get a job. I aced the interview, and instantly fell in love with the place. So much so, that since my interviewer offered me a job at the end of the interview I cancelled the second interview for a different job that I had scheduled for later that day. The paperwork got messed up so I lost a week of work, but I can look at that as an opportunity to delve into organizations even more to test the waters before I don’t have the time.

12. My advisor is awesome.
My advisor, Meg, is a sweet and thoughtful lady. Freshmen can’t sign themselves up for classes, so she helped me out of a pinch when I was dropped unexpectedly from a course. I know that if I ever have questions with literally anything college-related, she will be willing to help me, even though she advises over a hundred students.

13. I enjoy going to class.
Yes, I’m at a party school. Yes, I have met some pretty awesome people. But my classes are interesting and I enjoy going to lecture. Every day, I learn something new, or think about a different perspective on something I already knew about. This is something that has been a great change from High School, where I went to class because I had to. The information was taught so I would pass a test (not the teachers’ fault) and so there was less enjoyment.

14. Snacks
This one should be self-explanatory, but I’m a poor college student. Free stuff is good. Free food? Even better! Normally meetings include free snacks if you stick through the whole thing, and that is pretty much the best incentive ever.

15. You’re bound to see a familiar face.
OSU is a big, well-accredited university. For this reason, I am not the only person from my area to choose OSU. I ran into two people from a local high school during a First Year Connections meeting. One of them was involved in Academic Challenge, one of my favorite sports, and so I had met him before, just in passing of course. But the fact that there are people that I have connections with is very comforting.

Well that was fun. I had to dig deep, but I found more than I needed. Once you focus on the good parts of OSU, they seem to jump out at you. I’ll be fine after all J Because you made it this far, have some cookies.

Robin, Depression, and my thoughts on both.

Oh why, there's no comprehending

And who am I to try to

Judge or explain

Oh, but I do have one

Burning question

Who told you life wasn't

Worth the fight

They were wrong, they lied

Now you're gone and we cry

'Cause it's not like you to

Walk away

In the middle of a song

© 2009 Rascal Flatts, Lyric Street Records

Robin Williams. When you hear the name, a movie or show probably pops into your head. Jumanji, Dead Poets Society, Night at the Museum, and Aladdin are a few that come to mind for me. There is no way to say it other than he was a comical genius. The stand-up he wrote, the way he performed scripted scenes, and his improv were arguably the funniest thing the comedy world has seen in a long time, if not ever. If a project was touched by Robin, it turned to pure gold-he was a comical Midas. The sad part is, though, is that he was a humble man that would graciously accept praise but never truly take it to heart. Now, I probably sound like I knew him personally. I didn’t. Growing up with him on my television, I’d like to think that I have started to see the man behind the personality that he takes on when he performs. He’s struggled publicly with drugs and alcohol, and so he was not perfect. But he was a human.

Looking through the articles on Robin’s death, I came upon a commenter that said in short ‘he chose to die’. If he was depressed, which a rep confirmed, and he committed suicide (not confirmed at the time I am writing this) that still does not mean it was his “choice.” Clinical Depression is not fun, and takes you to a place that normally you would not go. Robin needed help that he didn't get in time. This is not me saying that his family is at fault for his death, as hindsight is 20/20. The dark places that Depression takes its victims are not easy to crawl out of, and this is one case of that. Robin is, and I hate to say it, a statistic. Too many people do not get help that they need. After they die, we are sad and wish there was something we could’ve done. Most times, the signs were not obvious enough at the time. This could be a lesson, but don’t we always say that when something like this happens? What happens to the lesser-famous people who struggle with what Robin did?

For me, I will hold on to the funny quotes of Robin’s from Aladdin and his stand-up routines (This being my favorite-complete with Robin profanity). The cause of death shouldn’t change the person that lived a full life. Remember the laughter. Be angry, melancholy, or indifferent (adjectives in true Poets style), but all I ask is don’t forget the genius that Robin Williams was. We may not know why he was in a very dark place or why he couldn’t find his way out, but that doesn’t erase the milestones he achieved during his career.

DISCLAIMER: I am neither a doctor nor psychologist. These are purely my thoughts, not to be taken as gospel.

Who I Am - Jessica Andrews

I am Rosemary's granddaughter

The spitting image of my father

And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan

Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy

But I've got friends that love me

And they know just where I stand

It's all a part of me

And that's who I am

(c) 2000 Dreamworks Nashville

               

Throughout my childhood, I have always thought this song describes me to a tee. Every line hits me like a wrecking ball (not Miley's), even more-so as I've gotten older. Let’s break it down, shall we?

·         My grandmother’s name was Mary (close enough for childhood me). She was my favorite person, and is still at the top of the list, even though my beaux Q is tied with her.

·         I always get told I look like my dad, or that side of the family. The resemblance between baby photos is really uncanny. He’s handsome, so it’s not a bad thing I suppose.

·         My momma is always supportive of me, no matter how big or little of a challenge I am undertaking. Whether it’s a new recipe I want to try, or contemplating decisions that will impact the rest of my life like whether I should studying abroad while in college.

·         I definitely am clueless and clumsy (it’s my hair color coming out). My spatial awareness is pretty horrible, and so is my depth perception. This leads to me running into stationary, constant things like doors and walls in my house that I’ve lived in for 13 years. Everyone else in my life finds this pretty comical; I’ve come to accept the bumps and bruises and go on with life.

·         Last but definitely not least, my friends. They are the absolute best girls in the world, and actually helped hook me up with my beaux, which I am eternally grateful for. We all ended up in one group about 4 years ago, some I have known longer. To some older—and wiser—people, 4 years might seem like a short period of time, but it has been a crazy 4 years; those girls have seen me through High School. All of the ups and downs and yes even the times I went a bit sideways. I don’t know what I’d do without them!

When I think really, really hard about all the things I have in my life, there is nothing to complain about, even though I do so a lot—and I’m not proud of that. Alas, I am only human, as all people are, and without accepting the flaws there could be no acceptance of the good stuff.