I was all out of hope and all out of
fight
Couldn't fight back the tears so I fell
on my knees
Saying, "God, if you're there come
and rescue me."
Felt love pouring down from above
Got washed in the water, washed in the
blood and now I'm changed
And now I'm stronger
There must be something in the water
…
Gonna look ahead, no turning back
Live every day, give it all that I have
Trust in someone bigger than me
Ever since the day that I believed I am changed
© 2014
It’s official! This
past weekend I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I’m super-duper
excited! I’m not one to talk openly about religion very often, so I figured I’ll
share a little about my journey before I describe the awesomeness that was this
weekend.
I've gone
through a lot in my life, but who hasn't, right? But anyhow, those things were
pretty rough, and led me to be a devout Atheist. Science all the way. I was
content, but not really happy. My first semester here at Ohio State was rough,
to put it lightly. There was a lot going on in my personal life that made it
hard for me to branch out beyond my studies in a way that I wanted to.
Fast-forward to February of this year. I was in a grumpy mood, and was running
late, but that’s nothing new for me. Trying to keep my head down and just get
to where I was going, I heard someone say, “Hey is that an FFA jacket?” Best
pickup line ever! Haha Sister Slater stole my heart when she asked me that
question!
Normally when
people try to solicit things to me on campus, I’ll be a nice person and listen,
and then politely decline. So I was planning on going through that routine with these girls, but
as I was talking to Sister Love and Sister Slater, I got this feeling that I
should take them seriously. I didn’t even know they were missionaries until after our conversation when they handed me the card that had LDS on it! (Missionaries are real people, with
real personalities, and can hold conversations about more than just Jesus.
Shocking, I know). They invited me to come see their church and get a tour. I
had a prompting that it would all be okay, and that I should go. In my scramble
to figure out what was going on in my brain, I stammered through what I hope
was a polite yes.
Over the past
two months since that first meeting, everyone at the Church has taken me under their wings in a way that blows my mind. I’ve gone to church, and stake conference, and
had lessons, which is where I met the wonderful soul that is Gretchen (shoutout
to you lovely, I know you’re reading this!). Very early on in the process, the
Sisters gave me a Book of Mormon which they encouraged me to read. I’ll admit,
it sat unopened for a week. But once I finally got up the courage to open it, I
decided to flip to a random page, and landed on Mosiah 5:3. I got goosebumps,
because I feel that this was the answer to my meek, half-said prayers of “Why
me? Why are these thing happening to me?” that I had uttered so many times
before. This is the first of many events, most of which cannot be described
with words, that have helped to show me that the Church is true, God loves me, and
that this is where I belong.
Obviously, the
Sisters extended the offer of baptism to me, which I accepted. I have to say
that I wasn’t too sure about it at first, even though I was excited. I went
home from that lesson and I prayed out loud, which I normally don’t do. I asked
God if I should be baptized, if it was right. I looked to my Book of Mormon
during that next week, which I’d been told is the best way to let God talk to
you, and I ended up flipping to Ether chapter 4. Verse 19 talks about enduring
until the end, being faithful to God, and ends with “And behold it is I that
hath spoken it. Amen.” Well I was spooked! I had gone looking for an answer,
but didn’t expect to find it so quickly. After that, I had no doubt that
baptism was the right thing for me to do.
So that’s the
curtailed and abridged version of my story J Now on to the fun stuff!
Baptism day was
Saturday! I was a big slurry of excitement and nerves. My (biological) sister,
Sara, ended up being able to come, which made me super happy. My friend Vinny
also came to support me, which was super cool and helped calm my nerves. I’d
never been to a baptism before of any denomination, so I didn't know quite what
to expect. But unsurprisingly, everyone was super helpful and kept pointing me
in the right direction all afternoon. Gretchen talked about baptism and Sister
Springer talked about the Holy Ghost. I absolutely love both of them! Gretchen
made me laugh by staring at me while she talked, and Sister Springer made me
cry tears of happiness with her encouragement. They are both just so awesome. The
silly Elders waited a long time to fill up the font so when I stepped into the water I
felt like a Lobster! It was so hot, but I can’t help but think of the idea of
cleansing through fire. Always look on the bright side, right? I was concentrating on not drowning (I have a weird
thing with water) so I wasn't paying attention to everything Chris was saying,
but I guess he mispronounced my name on the first try, so I got to be dunked
twice. Normally when I’m submerged in water I freak out, but when I was being
baptized I didn't feel any of that, which helped to strengthen my testimony
even more. Overall, the whole service was just awesome, and I was shaking the
whole time, but mostly out of pure happiness.
 |
| Sister Love, Me, Gretchen, and Sister Slater! I love these girls! |
 |
| My big sister Sara! So glad she could be there! |
 |
They told me they'd never seen anybody look so cute in a jumpsuit before!
They're too sweet. |
 |
| My main man Chris! He braved the hot water with me! |
On Sunday I got
confirmed, which I also had never seen done before. Chris got to give me the gift of
the Holy Ghost and a blessing from Heavenly Father. I love that he got to do
both my baptism and my confirmation; he’s such a great guy whose faith is so
strong. At the beginning of my confirmation I was concentrating on sitting
still, because there were these guys who were trying to hold their hands on
my head haha. But after a little bit I forced myself to focus on what I was
feeling, which is a question that Mormons love to ask, so I wanted to have an
answer ready! I know in that moment when I started focusing that I felt the
Holy Ghost. I just felt so much love and happiness enter into me. It shocked me
a little because it was the kind of love that was always described to me
growing up—the kind of love that you can’t describe with words, but you just know to be true. As Chris was giving me
a blessing, he said things that were encouraging and I definitely needed to
hear, but the best part was the end. As the blessing ended, Chris said
something along the lines of “…so that you will always remember that you are His daughter.” I feel that those
words came directly from Heavenly Father, and when I’m struggling in life I
know I will always have that message to hold onto.
This weekend is
one that I will truly never forget. My journey towards God has only just begun,
and yet I’ve already been blessed so much. I want to thank everyone that’s been
praying for me, and supportive of me as I make this choice to enter into a covenant
with Heavenly Father.
 |
This is me as a baby with my momma at my dedication!
Consider it a bonus for making it to the end :) |
*note* I know I talked about my experiences with reading the BOM a lot. I also love the messages found in the Bible, but I've grown up with them, so they're just less moving most times than the BOM verses. The Bible and the BOM are meant to stand beside each other along with Doctrine & Covenants and Pearl of Great Price. I just wanted to clarify!
